"September's coming soon // I'm pining for the moon // and what if there were two // side by side in orbit // around the fairest sun..."
[x] So. All is (relatively) quiet on the home front, and for that I am
most thankful. Sunshine has recovered beautifully from her
illness/hospitalization episode. Beauty was sent home from school on
Thursday with pink eye in both eyes, but it's getting better everyday.
Bear has one swollen tonsil, but a new humidifier has proven to be quite
helpful. Little Flower has a case of the sniffles, but is otherwise her
happy, healthy self.
All in all, it's all good. Minor things, really. Little Flower is rapidly approaching her second birthday. I can't believe I'll have a two year old on my hands. TWO! How is that even possible?! She has such a big personality. I can't wait for her speech evaluation next week (we had one scheduled, but cancelled it due to overlapping with Sunshine's unexpected hospital stay). I am crazy about her new DT-V, M. I liked her first one, S., enough, but...overall, I wasn't impressed with her interaction skills. Being entirely honest, it is IMMEDIATELY apparent when a therapist has children and when he/she doesn't. S. once told LF to "stop screaming" (she wasn't, for the record), but come on...she isn't even two. She's allowed to be loud and expressive as it's all just a precursor to language. It's not my fault you can't figure out how to engage my child. Whatever. M. (a mother of four) is awesome. She understands that an hour is a LOT for LF and lets her do her own thing while working the therapy into things. I am very, very happy with her. And LF is a big fan of her as well.
[x] Not the most important thing ever, but I've gotta get it out...seeing the kids' tuition balance as a remaining $4950 for the year? *gulp* Don't get me wrong; I LOVE the school. I love the teachers, I love the Pastor, the principal, the activities, the environment, the test scores, the familial feel, the small class sizes. Love it all. But paying bills today and checking the outstanding balance had my heart palpitating all over the place. But the Pastor came to our house to bless and pray over Sunshine several days back and it was amazing. We have felt so welcome and accepted and so many, many people are praying for Sunshine. Furthermore, the kids are really starting to feel secure in the concept of heaven and what happens when people die. Bear and I had a big long talk with a lot of interesting questions like "will Sunshine walk and talk when she's in heaven?" and "how is a body different from a soul?" Admittedly, I'm out of my realm here, but I'm loving where it's all going. There's so much purity at this age. I'm old and jaded, but this renewal in the kids is something almost tangibly refreshing. Love it. (But still! $4950! OMFG!)
Ah, I'm so classy. Talking about religion and private school and ending the paragraph with "OMFG". ;)
[x] Listen, in the grand scheme of things, I'm beyond blessed. Money is the biggest stressor we have, but that's probably to be expected on a single income with four kids (and a few with special needs to boot). I'm happy that my biggest ulcer comes from things like finances and paying bills. Other people have such bigger battles to wage with illness and death and grief and all that. If it meant a happy, healthy family for all time, and if that took something like living in a box somewhere, I would do it in a heartbeat. It's easy to get caught up when I'm constantly trying (in vain) to balance the checkbook. But again, it's the small stuff so I try not to sweat it. If on my deathbed when I'm 104 I can say "I lived a great life with my husband of many, many years and my kids are all well-adjusted, happy, healthy adults", that's all that matters.Truth.
[x] I've been struggling with balance between motherhood and all else lately. I feel like a lot of my "real life" friends--many of whom are mothers themselves--don't "get" where I'm at now. I am spread thin. And on the homefront, that's fine. I spend one-on-one time with all my kids every.single.day. I spend one-on-one time with my husband every day he's at home. But at the end of it all, I am tired. I am not fit for coffee. I am not fit for phone dates (most days). I am not fit for anything other than a hot shower, a glass of wine, and a warm bed. I am not complaining. I love my life and god, do I EVER love my family. They are the reasons for each and every breath. But sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and racked with guilt when I get a minor request but just make it work. I feel bad because I know everyone is busy, but at this time, we're still all growing into our new family. I am bad at saying "no" flat out so I dodge requests. I'll find my balance eventually, but I know that, like most things, it will be a process.
[x] I'm in the sloooooow process of saving all my pics from facebook as I am going to delete my account and hang on G+. I just don't dig the new lack of privacy, for one, and for two...it's really just more of a hassle and headache than anything else. I'll still run rampant on Twitter, but I'll be happy to free from the fbook chains.
[x] Have I mentioned that the Van Angels are going to fund a house renovation project for us? Oh.my.god, you guys. These people are amazing. Long story short (and I know this won't make sense to most of you since you've never seen my crib), we are knocking out ground level windows and putting in an eight foot sliding glass door. This is HUGE because right now, we'd have to combat a long, steep driveway in the ice and snow. This is an amazing blessing. To be able to open the door to get her to the bus in just a straight shot? Just amazing. And that's just the tip of the iceberg of what the Van Angels are doing (there's heating work, and ramping, etc.). I am so in awe. Just amazing. Absolutely amazing.
K. and I have been talking about how we're going to renegotiate the space in the house post renovation. The downstairs rooms will be for Sunshine (obviously) and Beauty, and the girls will have their own bath on that level. The upstairs rooms will be for Bear and Little Flower, and we're moving our bedroom to what is essentially our living room. Yikes. This is not ideal by any means, but Sunshine's new room was the family room. So losing that, we'd have to cram a bunch of sh*t from ALL the kids into our main level (the smallest level of the house). It is completely impossible.So we're moving down. One day our goal (by 2021 for serious) is to find a four bedroom ranch home that's financially feasible in the general area. For now, I'll miss having a shared living space, but it will be SO worth it for Sunshine's safety and a seriously bump for our convenience (SERIOUS). We once looked into building up (we have neighbors around the corner who did that--it added two rooms and a bathroom), but that's, like, a ridiculous project (125K). For just double that, we could find a house that suits our needs much better. (Like this, for example. Love it!) But now I'm just rambling. Shocking, I know.
[x] Anyway, I've gotta wrap this up and get this day rollin'. I'm on "single mom duty" for a bit so I've gotta get my "A" game on and ready to rumble. :) <3
this
All in all, it's all good. Minor things, really. Little Flower is rapidly approaching her second birthday. I can't believe I'll have a two year old on my hands. TWO! How is that even possible?! She has such a big personality. I can't wait for her speech evaluation next week (we had one scheduled, but cancelled it due to overlapping with Sunshine's unexpected hospital stay). I am crazy about her new DT-V, M. I liked her first one, S., enough, but...overall, I wasn't impressed with her interaction skills. Being entirely honest, it is IMMEDIATELY apparent when a therapist has children and when he/she doesn't. S. once told LF to "stop screaming" (she wasn't, for the record), but come on...she isn't even two. She's allowed to be loud and expressive as it's all just a precursor to language. It's not my fault you can't figure out how to engage my child. Whatever. M. (a mother of four) is awesome. She understands that an hour is a LOT for LF and lets her do her own thing while working the therapy into things. I am very, very happy with her. And LF is a big fan of her as well.
[x] Not the most important thing ever, but I've gotta get it out...seeing the kids' tuition balance as a remaining $4950 for the year? *gulp* Don't get me wrong; I LOVE the school. I love the teachers, I love the Pastor, the principal, the activities, the environment, the test scores, the familial feel, the small class sizes. Love it all. But paying bills today and checking the outstanding balance had my heart palpitating all over the place. But the Pastor came to our house to bless and pray over Sunshine several days back and it was amazing. We have felt so welcome and accepted and so many, many people are praying for Sunshine. Furthermore, the kids are really starting to feel secure in the concept of heaven and what happens when people die. Bear and I had a big long talk with a lot of interesting questions like "will Sunshine walk and talk when she's in heaven?" and "how is a body different from a soul?" Admittedly, I'm out of my realm here, but I'm loving where it's all going. There's so much purity at this age. I'm old and jaded, but this renewal in the kids is something almost tangibly refreshing. Love it. (But still! $4950! OMFG!)
Ah, I'm so classy. Talking about religion and private school and ending the paragraph with "OMFG". ;)
[x] Listen, in the grand scheme of things, I'm beyond blessed. Money is the biggest stressor we have, but that's probably to be expected on a single income with four kids (and a few with special needs to boot). I'm happy that my biggest ulcer comes from things like finances and paying bills. Other people have such bigger battles to wage with illness and death and grief and all that. If it meant a happy, healthy family for all time, and if that took something like living in a box somewhere, I would do it in a heartbeat. It's easy to get caught up when I'm constantly trying (in vain) to balance the checkbook. But again, it's the small stuff so I try not to sweat it. If on my deathbed when I'm 104 I can say "I lived a great life with my husband of many, many years and my kids are all well-adjusted, happy, healthy adults", that's all that matters.Truth.
[x] I've been struggling with balance between motherhood and all else lately. I feel like a lot of my "real life" friends--many of whom are mothers themselves--don't "get" where I'm at now. I am spread thin. And on the homefront, that's fine. I spend one-on-one time with all my kids every.single.day. I spend one-on-one time with my husband every day he's at home. But at the end of it all, I am tired. I am not fit for coffee. I am not fit for phone dates (most days). I am not fit for anything other than a hot shower, a glass of wine, and a warm bed. I am not complaining. I love my life and god, do I EVER love my family. They are the reasons for each and every breath. But sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and racked with guilt when I get a minor request but just make it work. I feel bad because I know everyone is busy, but at this time, we're still all growing into our new family. I am bad at saying "no" flat out so I dodge requests. I'll find my balance eventually, but I know that, like most things, it will be a process.
[x] I'm in the sloooooow process of saving all my pics from facebook as I am going to delete my account and hang on G+. I just don't dig the new lack of privacy, for one, and for two...it's really just more of a hassle and headache than anything else. I'll still run rampant on Twitter, but I'll be happy to free from the fbook chains.
[x] Have I mentioned that the Van Angels are going to fund a house renovation project for us? Oh.my.god, you guys. These people are amazing. Long story short (and I know this won't make sense to most of you since you've never seen my crib), we are knocking out ground level windows and putting in an eight foot sliding glass door. This is HUGE because right now, we'd have to combat a long, steep driveway in the ice and snow. This is an amazing blessing. To be able to open the door to get her to the bus in just a straight shot? Just amazing. And that's just the tip of the iceberg of what the Van Angels are doing (there's heating work, and ramping, etc.). I am so in awe. Just amazing. Absolutely amazing.
K. and I have been talking about how we're going to renegotiate the space in the house post renovation. The downstairs rooms will be for Sunshine (obviously) and Beauty, and the girls will have their own bath on that level. The upstairs rooms will be for Bear and Little Flower, and we're moving our bedroom to what is essentially our living room. Yikes. This is not ideal by any means, but Sunshine's new room was the family room. So losing that, we'd have to cram a bunch of sh*t from ALL the kids into our main level (the smallest level of the house). It is completely impossible.So we're moving down. One day our goal (by 2021 for serious) is to find a four bedroom ranch home that's financially feasible in the general area. For now, I'll miss having a shared living space, but it will be SO worth it for Sunshine's safety and a seriously bump for our convenience (SERIOUS). We once looked into building up (we have neighbors around the corner who did that--it added two rooms and a bathroom), but that's, like, a ridiculous project (125K). For just double that, we could find a house that suits our needs much better. (Like this, for example. Love it!) But now I'm just rambling. Shocking, I know.
[x] Anyway, I've gotta wrap this up and get this day rollin'. I'm on "single mom duty" for a bit so I've gotta get my "A" game on and ready to rumble. :) <3
this
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