[x] I haven't blogged in nearly a month. I'm not shocked. This is my defense mechanism. Things get too stressful, I shut down in pretty much every avenue but parenting. In short, I just didn't want to face myself by discussing our foster-to-adopt (potential) plan. To be entirely honest, I still don't want to talk about it much. I feel like a jinx. But I'll talk about it here anyway, since isn't that the point of keeping a blog in the first place? ;)

Anyway, we have a potential placement date of June 15. POTENTIAL placement date, I tell you. Read as: absolutely anything could happen between now and then, thus derailing said plan. But right now, that's the intended plan. How do I feel about this?

Excited. Nervous. Anxious. Happy. Hopeful. You name it. Hello, my name is Courtney. Welcome to my foster-to-adopt rollercoaster. Please secure any belongings and keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times.

I'm going to sit down to email LF's first mom tonight and give her a heads up as to what *might* happen. After that, I want to message LF's first grandma, too. I feel strangely anxious over this. I'm not sure exactly why. It won't impact my ability to parent LF whatsoever--if I thought that would be the case, I wouldn't be comfortable moving forward with this whatsoever. I know this. Little Flower is *the* baby of this house. I've said it before and I'll say it again; I really wanted to adopt a child older than LF. I want her to stay in this glorious position of power as the baby of the house. :) But at the end of the day, I worry what LF's mom and grandma think of me. I want to do right by them always, and I want them to feel confident in my ability to parent LF successfully. I truly care what they think. Here's to hoping this decision doesn't upset them. :/

Ah, anxiety. Gotta love it.

[x] Speaking of LF's first mom, I saw a few of her prom pics. Wow! She looked absolutely breathtaking. It's not hard to see where LF gets her beauty. I think the three of them (first mom, first grandma, and LF) look so alike. Suffice to say, they're all seriously gorgeous. K. already worries he'll have to beat all the boys off with sticks. I know this will be the case. We'd better plant a lot of trees around here. ;)

[x] How about some kid updates?

Little Flower is 20 months old today. WHAT?! How is this possible?! Wasn't she just, like, four months a month ago? She is so big, so beautiful, and smart as a whip. She wants to walk so badly. She'll walk forever holding our fingers, and will cruise along all furniture always. She's soooo close. When she's standing by the couch, she'll push herself off enough where she has to hold her balance independently. So, so close!

Beauty made a huge step recently--she's no longer qualifying for any therapy through Early Childhood Education! I'm super happy about it for the most part. She's come a LONG way. But in the same breath, I worry that the decision was a little premature. She presents beautifully, and she absolutely rocked the eval. But it was only an hour in length and I felt it didn't show her true language delays. I'm going to keep a close eye on it, but I say again...she has come such a long way! I am SO proud of her.

Bear is doing well. He (desperately) wants to lose another tooth (or two ;). He's been really hands on with LF lately. I think that because she's come into her own so much as of late, she's officially all toddler and no baby (well, she'll always be my baby, but you know what I mean). It's really very sweet. He turned to me yesterday and said, "Mom, when I'm a grown up dad I want to have a baby like Little Flower. She is great." So sweet! Beauty joined our family when Bear was only 19 months old so he and Beauty essentially grew up together. He's really taken a shine to the "big brother" role to both girls ever since LF joined our family.

God, I just love these kids so much. I don't even know what else to say. I am just crazy about them.

[x] K. turns 28 tomorrow. Finally catching up to me. ;) He's home during the day and we're going to have a mini-celebration (we already celebrated a few days ago). I made red velvet cake balls in honor of his big day and plan on making (vegan) pizza balls (one of his very favorites!) for dinner tomorrow night. I hope he has a great day. He's been nothing but amazing through all this drama--as usual. He is definitely my rock. Having been unhappily married as well as unhappily attached, you really appreciate what you have when you come from the bottom to the top. I know we're one of those couples who make other people sick, but I could honestly care less. Like I said, I know what a lucky girl I am. <3

[x] I scrubbed the house from top to bottom today. This week, we're going to clean the carpets and I am so excited. It doesn't take much. Really. I'm so domestic.

[x] I've been kicking around a return to school in a year or two. Social work, counseling, addictions studies...something of that nature. But only if I can get most of the prereq's (basic gen ed courses) waived. No offense, university, but I think walking in with an AA, a BA and two MA degrees should absolve me from taking, say, an entry level English class (I mean...I used to teach those!). But we shall see. I only want to take a class or two a semester--if I return, that is. I'm not willing to take away very much from my family. So, yeah...we shall see.

[x] Alright, time to get back to the grind. Hopefully I'll be blogging again before, say, August. But I guess I'll just have to wait and see. :) <3