[x] I read a ridiculous amount on adoption online, namely from the first mom perspective. I'm not all that interested in fellow AP's because when I stumble upon one who is just everything that exemplifies the evils of adoption, I just feel entirely homicidal and full of blood lust. I've said it before and I'll say it again, to say adoption in the US is flawed...well, that wouldn't even come close to the truth. I read first mom accounts because I am so grateful that LF will grow up with her first mom (as well as additional first family) in her life. I think the day AP's stop worrying if they're doing everything they can to facilitate a relationship with the first mom and her child...that's the day another heart-wrenching adoption story is added to the mix. In short, that's the day AP's start to fail their child, their child's first mom, and all first family--basically just failure all the way around and in general.

I will never--not once in my whole life--understand the AP's who are "jealous" of their child's first mom. In no uncertain terms, I find this to be pretty fucked up. Watching LF with her first mom makes my heart soar. The love they share is so amazing and so perfect--you know, because it's the love of a mother and her child. Pure and simple. I will NEVER be LF's first mom. I will never replace her position in LF's life, and furthermore, I wouldn't want to. She is LF's natural mom and adoption would never--and should never attempt to--change that or desecrate that bond.

UGH. No more reading adoption blogs! *head explodey*

[x] In other news, I've been emailing with Sunshine's foster mom (one of Sunshine's relatives) and she is awesome x infinity. She has provided me with a ton of info on Sunshine and her schedule. I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am for all the information, and even more so for the fact that she wants to stay in contact and would love pics and updates. YES!

While I am continually overjoyed LF's first mom and Sunshine's extended first family are/will be so involved, I have to admit I'm feeling down about the lack of contact we have with Beauty's first mom. The agency used to facilitate Beauty's adoption was (surprise, surprise) absolutely ZERO help when I asked about locating Beauty's first mom, obtaining more information, and the like. My goal is to factor a PI into the budget in years to come. It looks like it will be a costly endeavor, but I'm certain Beauty will want to meet her first mom and know more about her. Should she not want to meet her for whatever reason, we would never force the issue, but I hope she does. But this will be quite some time down the road. Well, unless we win the lotto in the near future.

[x] Tomorrow brings more therapy for LF (DT-V). She's been doing the funniest thing ever: she's perfected a fake laugh. It is hilarious. It is so phony but she tries so hard with it, and the more we laugh the more she does it. I must've kissed her ten hundred times today. She is just so sweet and loving and beautiful beyond words. Yeah, I know every mom says that about her daughter, but I see so much of LF's first mom in LF. And LF's first mom is seriously model-level gorgeous. So I'm not all that shocked that LF is so gorgeous already. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. :)

[x] I can't believe Easter is already this weekend. Time is flying by. In two weeks, my baby will turn FIVE. I'm still wrapping my mind around that. Beauty is almost as excited for Bear's birthday as Bear is. She is so sweet about it. She and I are going to work on a special card for Bear the next time he goes out with K. LF will help, I'm sure. She's a great supervisor.

All right, gotta fly. Two entries back to back?! Don't I deserve some sort of bloggy medal? ;) <3