[x] Do you want to hear a gripe of mine? I mean...like a grit-your-teeth-and-grind-them-down type of deal? When people--no matter how well intentioned they are/claim to be--straight out ask me for LF's first mom's "story". Note: I NEVER get asked about Beauty's first mom. Never. Not even once. Maybe she's not in the forefront of anyone's mind seeing how it is an international adoption? Maybe they just assume I know nothing about her? But I digress...

I'm happy to talk about adoption with anyone and everyone. Mostly anyone who knows me can vouch for this. I will tell you my unabashed feelings on it in no uncertain terms. HOWEVER. I do not feel the need to "share my daughter's story" with you. Her first mom's life is absolutely none of your business. I cannot stand when people say "oh, was she young?" "Does she know the baby's father?" "Is she a high school drop-out/drug user/insert-whatever-negative-stereotype-you-can-come-up-with-here?" "Does she know where you live?" "What if she comes back for LF? She might, you know!" And so on, and so on, and so on...

People, I call for a revolution. It's called--and sit down for this one if you must--intelligence and tact. Grocery store shopper, in your ratty sweatshirt and ultra-high pony tail, why on god's green earth do you think I'd tell you ANYTHING about my daughter's first mom? "Friend" from high school who has "always been soooooo curious about adoption but not sure about that whole openness thing"? No. Just stop. I probably already think--perhaps on the surface, or perhaps somewhere deep inside--that you're a moron. Don't prove me right.

I joke, but in all honesty? It doesn't amuse me a bit. My daughter's first mom, her life, her occupation, her age, her "general" location, and so on and so on...it's all none of your concern, for one, and absolutely none of your business. Ask me about open adoption, international adoption--hell, ask me why we chose to adopt, even. I will answer your questions--more at length if you're a friend, as briefly as possible (probably) if you're an acquaintance or less. But at the end of the day, those are my stories to tell. *Those* are my stories to tell. My daughters' stories? Their first moms' stories? Not mine to tell. And ultimately, that's the end of the line.

And while I'm on it, let's keep going...

[x] I cringe and loathe when people claim my girls are so "lucky to have a better life" since they've been adopted into our family. I'm sorry, but I don't agree with that. Nothing about being separated from their first moms makes this life "better". Don't get me wrong: I'm absolutely as far from ungrateful as they come. To share my lives with these little girls--to be "mommy"--I can't put into words what that means to me. But we didn't "rescue them". Their first moms chose not to parent (for reasons that are no one's business other than theirs and the girls) and a substantial part of me will always mourn their losses. I'm grateful beyond words that LF's first mom is SO involved (it already means so much to LF, trust me) and I grieve that Beauty's first mom isn't. I can't tell you, though, how many times someone on facebook or wherever has made a comment--even well-intentioned--to which I've responded with a clarification message. And in fairness, a lot of the people who say these things have family members who have adopted from foster care or relatives where the child lived in an abusive/neglectful/horrible/absolute worst-case-scenario situation, etc. I am entirely unfamiliar with this sort of thing. Beauty and LF were born to two amazing first moms who truly felt adoption was the best option for their daughters. That's it. There's nothing else to say, and there's certainly no "rescuing" involved.

[x] Since I'm on an adoption roll, I'm going to lay it on the line here. Adoption is expensive but unless you're looking to raise money to adopt legitimately orphaned, HIV + or other special needs children in another country, no, I will not "contribute" to your fund. I'm sorry, but I won't. Because you want the perfect, healthy, Caucasian newborn you see on the adoption commercials? Yeah, you should not ask me to help you out. There are special needs children all over the world--if you're fundraising for a medically fragile child, ask me then and I'll see if I can kick a few bucks your way if it's at all possible (but no promises--times are tight for everyone). But not before then. And don't market if like you're a saint. No one is "amazing" for choosing to adopt. If you think you deserve a badge of honor for adopting a child, you best delete me from your contacts in ALL forms.

I don't understand this new "fund our adoption!" trend. If that's so appropriate, why can't my friends who are partaking in IVF ask for financial support from their friends and family? I'll be the first to tell you that we have some substantial adoption-related debt. Loans that will take a considerable amount of time to repay. I don't care about that, truly. It's completely inconsequential. But affording our family--in every sense of the world--is OUR responsibility. I don't "get" the sense of entitlement that seems to roll out with adoption. What gives?

[x] People have asked me if we'd like to adopt again. The answer, in its simplest form, is yes, we would. We would very much like to adopt another child with special needs someday. Financially, it would have remain low in cost for it to be in the best interest of our family. The next question I always receive: what kinds of special needs would we consider? Answer: all kinds. It's really something we'd have to look at on a case-by-case basis. We have a few deal-breakers (needs for which we are under-prepared or simply not ready to undertake at this time). But we're pretty flexible. Adopting internationally usually holds some level of risk. And adopting a "special needs" baby domestically also holds some risk as well. But look at my amazing, beautiful, intelligent, charismatic girls! Will we be as lucky next time? Yes. I am 100% sure on this. He or she might be a child with more substantial special needs, but really...we're lucky to share our lives with any child. The question that follows this one is usually: do you want another boy to balance it out? What about another Hispanic child?

*blinks*

Oh, sorry. I forgot to answer the custom-ordered child question. No, we don't care about the sex of the child and no, we wouldn't care about the race either. If I have any concrete adoption regrets, I wish we wouldn't have "requested" a baby girl from GT. But at the same time, I don't wish that we wouldn't have because then Beauty wouldn't be our daughter, so this whole situation gets very complicated. But would we ever choose to select sex/race of another child? Nope. That's just not...how we roll.

Man, I am full of piss and vinegar today, no? ;) Hey, y'all knew I was a spicy thing.

<3