[x] The Beauty & The Bear

In light of LF's update yesterday, I felt one on both Bear and Beauty wouldn't be out of line. So without further ado...

Bear:

Bear is doing really well. He loves preschool. No tears, no hesitancy--just a dive in and go kinda kid. At his last doctor's appointment he was measuring in the 99th percentile for both height and weight. Size 7 in pants, 6/7 in shirts, and a 13.5 shoe. Hey, at least he's consistent--anyone one remember how enormous I was toward the end when I was pregnant? Nine pounds three ounces at birth and that was a week before his due date!  O_o  He's currently rocking out a hellaciously wicked cold (my poor baby!) and was up all last night coughing, sneezing, and sniffling. Poor guy. He's complaining of a sore throat so I'm going to keep a close watch on it. He's a little miserable this morning, but not too bad. He's elbow deep in track construction, so that makes him happy. And in turn, momma is happy, too.

Beauty:

Beauty is also doing really well. This is her first go at "regular" preschool (not Early Childhood Education Program [ECEP]) and so far, I think she likes it enough. She's a bit of a tough nut to crack, though--her language skills are still somewhat limited, and she answers how she feels you might want or expect her to, rather than how than the "actual" answer. She's working on it, though. Her ECEP is going to arrange both speech therapy and physical therapy for her once a week (that's what she was receiving while at ECEP). She's getting so big! She's measuring between the 50th and 60th percentile and is now wearing 4T shirts (still 3T pants, though--she's a bit on the short side!) I think she's really starting to work on establishing a sister relationship with LF. Bear is her best buddy, but she's now hyper aware of where LF is, what LF is doing, and the like. It makes me smile. Beauty does, however, have an appointment with an ortho next month to help with the toe walking. I'm crossing my fingers that she will be able to avoid serial casting, but only time will tell. Instead of buying her new low top Chucks this year, I bought her pink high top Chucks at her pediatrician's suggestion. I think she digs 'em. And furthermore, I think they're helping at least a bit.

Beauty is one of the sweetest girls you could ever know, but she is--and almost always has been--a bit of a challenging child. We're really working on our level of communication with her and I think it's improving, but IMHO, she doesn't present as a normal three year old--unless you don't know her. It's hard to explain, really. But basically, until she tests for Kindergarten, there's not much to be done. If she doesn't pass the test to get into Kindergarten, there will be an evaluation to reassess her needs as such. But until then, we're just enjoying her for her. I try not to worry about it, but I want so much for life overall to be easier for her by catching up to her peers. One day at a time, though.

[x] Today...ahh, today. Much like yesterday I'm not feeling all that hot, but I'm working the single mom circuit until late afternoon/early evening. I think that after lunch (and lunch clean up) I'll start on the cake balls. Sigh. For something that I know K. (and the kids) love so much, I've gotta be honest...I'm not looking forward to it. Probably because I HATE dipping things into...whatever. Taffy apple cookies into melted caramel? Hate doing it. Cake balls into melted chocolate? More hate. But they're not going to make themselves. And if I start now, I'll just have to focus on the dipping aspect tomorrow (I'll let the balls firm up in the fridge tonight). So...it really won't be *that* bad.

[x] Also, am I the only one who OBSESSIVELY checks email when anticipating a message that is due to arrive, say, over the next seven days? Obsessively. "Just a quick check," I say. Yeah, a quick check about a hundred times a day. Note to self: relax already. Seriously!

[x] Love this weather. Gray and a bit ominous. Foreboding. Cool and breezy with a "haunted" feel. Strangely enough, days like this make me feel the most alive. It's kind of like the poetry conundrum. When my heart is broken--even just a tiny bit--poems seem to pour out effortlessly. On paper, on a keyboard, on a napkin, in the sky. It's everywhere. It's almost like a tangible dance partner--a perfect fit with a perfectly synchronized step. But when my heart is complete, I can't. I can write in other mediums, but not poetry. It will come as a no surprise to those who know me well that my outpouring of poetry was at an all time high between the years of, say, 2001-2004. I still can't read some of it, though. I just can't bring myself to open Pandora's box.

[x] Random side thought: if I were a straight-up season, I would be autumn. Autumn makes me feel somewhat like this. The ultimate irony is that that very album--Nighttime Birds--has the power to completely unravel me. (See reference above mentioning 2001-2004.) I listen to it with caution. I listen to it safely. Sometimes it doesn't hurt, but when I think it might, I pass.

I'm a bit self-protective like that.

I sometimes really wish music didn't have such a powerful hold over me. It'd make memories a lot more abstract. I'm sure some of you can relate...you hear a song, and you are helplessly thrown into the past. And sometimes it's nice to reflect, to remember. And sometimes it's the furthest thing from pleasant.

Geez.

It's the weather, I swear it. Stick with me, guys. I swear I haven't lost *all* my marbles just yet.

If I had to be a particular moment of any season, though--any season throughout the year, I would actually be a moment in winter. It kind of defies all logic as I desperately love autumn--I almost feel like some sort of adulteress. Anyway, if I could be a seasonal moment at any point...yeah, it would be in winter. With snow, but not necessarily snowing. At sunset. I would be in the car, sharply inhaling that crisp air that kind of burns the back of your throat. I would be icy silhouettes on the trees, the sounds of cars bemoaning their travels. But I would feel less like this and more like, well, this. The first one...it's just the cruelest kind of winter. The coldest sort of freeze, one that goes straight to the very center of your bones. The second one entirely isn't much warmer, but just enough to feel like you're on your way home to a warm house and a hot meal. And a plethora of love. The best kind of welcome from the cold.

[x] That said, I'd better get a move on and get the cake balls started. Something tells me they're not all that willing to bake themselves.

<3